30 Jan 2020 Dex had gone to the post office, leaving me in charge of Answering The Door. He had ordered a skateboard online, and he knew there was a good chance it would be delivered while he was out. I had my headphones on and he wasn’t remotely convinced…

I think of dreams as the cutting room floor of the mind, a more-or-less continuous but random series of outtakes, misprints, abandoned scenes, the flotsam of the day. I don’t expect them to make sense, but I enjoy the first waking moments where I lie, eyes still shut, watching my…

Walking to work along the canal towpath on Saturday morning, my gaze happened to fall across the water and it caught a glimpse of something so unreal that I had to look away to look again. A breeze was casting ripples on the water’s surface, and I waited a little…

9 June 2017 Bloody foreigners. I’ve cleaned out the fridge, eaten the last yoghurt, chucked out the olives and the rest of the rice, the end of the butter, a forlorn courgette and all the sundry dregs of a week away alone, and there’s a single slice of ham in…

22 April 2022 The rose leans over the wall, away from us, shy. I gently grasp the branch and pull it towards us. She leans in, and smells. — My nose is blocked. That creamy white, it’s lovely. — I think you taught me to look at colour. I remember…

7 June 2023 Not a time of day either of us generally venture out, but a surprising number of people are already abroad—many in school uniform or work clothes. There is a palpable excited determination in the air at this hour that contrasts starkly with the sullen resignation of evening…

12 August 2015 A couple of days on the road. Hoping to reach Lyon by nightfall on Saturday, we made good progress until Chalon sur Saône where, as tradition dictates, we entered the Pootle, the obligatory routine initiated by Heather on the first night of driving. It generally begins something…

24 November 2010 Drive up the coast road from the Italian border (as Edward Fox did in Day of the Jackal) along the French Riviera as far as Roquebrunne (as Ernest Hemingway did in Men Without Women), and climb the hairpins (as Grace Kelly and Cary Grant did in To…

5 June 2019 Oh good god. Air B&B in Yeovil with mein host Alan, who (it turns out) runs a Christian ministry from his home. He rises early, reads a few verses from the Bible, then records his thoughts on video which he uploads to YouTube. So far, so you-can-put-all-the-scatter-cushions-you-like-on-the-bed-but-it-can’t-hide-the-fact-your-mattress-is-abysmal….

19 May 2024 In the Nikon lounge, a tall woman stands in front of a display of plastic flowers hanging from the ceiling on invisible threads. Next to her is a large sign saying DO NOT TOUCH. —Hi, are you Scarlet? —Hi, yes I am. —Well this is a little…